How do you decide whether or not to stay home with your children? Money aside, I mean.
I spent very little time with Ashlyn on Tuesday, and I missed her. She was in hourly care in the morning. I picked her up in time to bring her home for a nap, and then my dentist appointment ended up being VERY long (which is another story on its own) so Allen spent the rest of the afternoon with her after her nap. I ended up being glad that Allen was half asleep on the couch when it was her bed time, so I could put her to bed instead.
I thought as I was putting her to bed that this would be every day if I was working. Part of me REALLY wants to go back to teaching art. I mean, I love it. I love to see what elementary kids are capable of creating and learning. But, sometimes I wonder if I am just afraid that I will make myself totally unemployable if I don't teach again SOON. I haven't taught in 4 years! I only taught for 5 years before that. With four years out, I will probably just be considered on the same level as a new teacher. I don't know.
Some days it is really HARD to stay home with an infant or toddler. I don't regret any of the time that I've spent with her, but it can be very trying. And boring. Sometimes. Sometimes I want my brain to work on something different than "milk, Ashlyn, can you say milk?... Baby, yes, that's your baby. Pat, pat... Are you going to color with the GREEN crayon?" Or cleaning the house. Fortunately, I have been working on my master's degree while staying home with her, so I had something else.
But, if I'm at work, I will be missing things. Of course, when she was 3 weeks old, I started crying and said to Allen, "she has changed so much already, and we've missed it!" We were both with her practically 24/7. I guess I just wish we could hold on to each and every moment, so even though we enjoy the changes, we could still have her brand new baby-ness to hold onto while she is actually a screaming toddler, throwing herself on the floor. I guess I need to take A LOT more pictures.
Of course, all of this wondering doesn't even matter at this point. Noone is knocking down my door to offer me the BEST JOB EVER. So, I may be staying home, no matter what I think. Or maybe we will just play it by ear. Or, maybe I will be offered the best PART-TIME job ever.
OK, rambling over.... Here are a few pictures.